My blog isn’t called balancingshadows for nothing. I am always trying to find a balance between everything. Maybe being a Gemini has something to do with it, I don’t know. I do know I find the darker sides of life the most challenging. This is about finding a balance on the internet.
I have a love-hate relationship with the online world. I have trust issues and can be very paranoid about things. I find it hard to figure out what you can rely on nowadays. This has always been an issue for me, as long as I can remember, so I usually rely on my own judgement.
I’ve been someone who questions a lot of things, doesn’t take things for granted easily, and always wants to find out more about things. Until a few years ago there weren’t that many sources available and because my way of thinking was very different from the people around me I started to doubt my own sanity. I felt alone in my quest to change the way of thinking, to change the world, even a little. I am 42 now but ever since I was a teenager I have been worried about the environment and the animal world. Somewhere along the way, feeling so different, I gave up those ideals and thoughts and went along with the way of thinking everyone else did. So I ate meat, I ate at McDonalds, I smoked, I drank alcohol, I sat in front of the TV all evening and thought life was about this, and about making money to buy all sorts of useless stuff and go on pointless holidays taking a plane. I now realize buying all that stuff was making up for an empty feeling. I started getting sick, not so much physically but mentally. I was lost. I thought: if this is all there is that life has to offer then I might as well end it right now. Luckily in that time I met the love of my life, he is my husband now. And I had this little puppy to take care of. Because, frankly, I thought my own life was completely and utterly useless and I wasn’t worth anything. I was stuck in a pointless job, doing pointless things. I felt the need to make a difference.
But I had a long way to go, my real inner self had gone away and it has taken years to find her back. She is back now, for the most part. During that time I found the online world. I did some online gaming, but that wasn’t for me. And so I started to join social media like Hyves and Facebook. And I joined a forum of a band I like. Hell, I even tried Twitter for a while! But after a while I realized this wasn’t my way of spreading and sharing my thoughts, my ideas. Finding people who I could discuss life with in a deeper sense of the word, because I need that, I’ve always needed that. I am a philosopher, no doubt about that. The forum, Hyves and Facebook didn’t give me that. It just made me sad. There was so much pain out there, and negativity, and well not enough awareness, no taking responsibility for your own life, always blaming others. So I quit all those again. And I started a blog. And slowly people started to follow. And I started to follow other blogs. And now I am sort of addicted, and reading blogs is taking up way to much time! Precious time I would love to spend discussing things in real life. Because this way it still feels like a one way trip. And some blogs bring out my paranoia again. I keep balancing on the shadows with the online world…..
But….. The online world has shown me that I am not alone….. The online world is enabling people to connect who think alike, who want to change the world, who need to change the world. From all over the world. And that is also spreading awareness. Because I strongly believe in morphic fields and morphic resonance. We resonate at a certain tone, and together we can make a difference, I am sure of it. The online world is given to us to make sure we do connect. To make this change happen. The change that is needed for the survival of mankind. To make others aware of the dangers that are facing us. We as species are not on any endangered species list. But I think we are endangered, even though we are overpopulated at the moment. It is a red light for us. So let’s keep connecting and spread a green light around the planet, but always stay alert. Always follow your own judgment and intuition in reading things online. And take responsibilty for your own life and actions. Balance the shadows…..