I am having a bad day today. Doubting everything I do, doubting the purpose of my very existence. It has been in the upwards spiral for so long I almost forgot what days like this feel like. But I guess I can’t enjoy the good days without the bad days. Right?
It is not easy hearing people ridicule everything I stand for. When people I think should be thinking the way I do, at least partially. Because we have the same goals. I assume. But the things I stand for seem to make me a quack. So I am considered a quack amongst people who are considered by others as quacks…. That is harsh. And to hear that the little paper you are studying so hard for these last years means nothing in the “real” world. So I am on the verge of quitting. Everything I do. Still I hope this is just a little setback. Some sort of challenges thrown to me from the Universe. To keep on fighting for what I believe in. Or it is the Universal way of sending me messages that I should quit this education. That it is no longer the thing that will help me further. I just don’t know anymore. I do know I am tired of fighting. Maybe I should just give in to the average and everyday world.
I think it is time for some serious retreat, really trying to figure out where it is I am going. If I should hang on to the path I am on or take another road. To ask my spirit guides what is the right track for me. But maybe spirit guides are also a lot of nonsense, maybe they are just a figment of my imagination to cope with life as it comes. I just don’t know anymore…….