Elections, a blessing in disguise?

Elections USA

Until now I steered away from anything to do with this. I don’t live in the US but have a lot of new (online) friends that do, so I have seen their struggle. This couldn’t have been easy. Especially the people I am attracted to must feel defeated right now.

But yes, the unthinkable happened, or is happening. Donald Trump will win the election. That’s it. The world is ending. It’s over. Done. Humanity is f*cked. I feel the hate, anger, frustration, fear, defeat, sadness. Will it divide the US? Who knows.

The general energy the world is sending out to the US right now is terrible. I have come to know many Americans as wonderful loving people. Something I thought I would never admit, just because I only knew America from television and film. And thought they were all loud mouthed air heads. Kind of like Trump 😉 But this is really not the case. It’s all about the not knowing….

But is it really over?

What if we think about this another way? As a “blessing in disguise”?

What if, people who are more like me did not vote at all. Because they felt they had no choice. I would not have gone voting, as the things that matter to me the most, nature, animals, environment, weren’t very clear on both agendas. But maybe I would have voted for Clinton, because then maybe my favourite idealist Bernie would have had some influence…. I haven’t voted for years in my own country, simply because I no longer believe that politicians in general have the best interest at heart for the people.

The president is kind of like a puppet, the PR person for the whole government. I really thought Obama was something else (and I still do as a person), but in the end, all the promises they make? Hard to keep. The only danger with Trump is that if he doesn’t get his way he might go into a fit like little children do….

Is it bad for the world? Really? Us=the world? I think not. That’s kind of arrogant to say. Maybe it’s bad for the US. Maybe even not. What if other countries are like, ok, time to stand on our own feet and no longer be an US groupie….

Universally: what if we see this like the last cramps of the patriarchal system. To hold on to old systems and beliefs. People like Mr Trump are gaining ground everywhere! He is not the only one. Why? What if it’s a test. To see if we are ready for this new paradigm? Living from the heart? Are you able to give love and compassion to anyone? Even the ones like Mr Trump?

The people in general are giving out a signal by voting for him or not voting for any candidate because they felt they didn’t have a choice. No matter the outcome, this signal must be addressed. This is a symptom of our diseased society. It’s time to look at the underlying problems going in. Loss of a feeling of community, the difference between classes. The people who blindly follow people like Mr Trump, or on the other side maybe even spiritual gurus, they play the blame game. They are the ones that don’t take responsibility for their own lives and choices, they act like victims. People like Trump, Le Penn, our own Wilders, they know how to speak to those people. Basically they are excellent at marketing, because they see the gap. And they promise to make it better for you. Not with you. For you. Come here. Daddy will take care of everything. Sit back and relax. You don’t have to do anything. I will fix it. The people don’t see that this most of the time is a “quick” fix. They don’t oversee the long-term effects, and more important, the underlying feeling of void and emptiness isn’t addressed. It’s like taking drugs, or alcohol. Underneath the wound will fester on. But for now, they have put a band-aid on it for them.

What if this has a what I call Cesar Milan effect. People with dogs will all know who that is. I really don’t like him very much, or how he handles dogs. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t believe in what he does. I’ve seen him in interviews and he just doesn’t know any better. And he is also a quick-fix giver. People like that. Not much work put in, just overpower and put a band-aid on it. We gave him the power. We let him grow. But…. On the other hand, the dog behaviour specialists and trainers that used other methods, they united, made more and more people aware there is another way. Most of them even not by putting down Cesar, but by showing the people the other way! Maybe this whole Trump thing will give the people who were lurking in the shadows the courage to stand up for what they believe in, and join forces in a positive way.

Maybe it’s all a test to see how strong the power of positive thinking, law of attraction, love really is. I have seen lots of people sending their condolences to the US, it’s almost like a grieving process. But…. What if we started over showering Mr Trump with love, send him massive healing and love, break down the wall around his heart before he starts building them in real life. What if we could show that the collective way of doing this is stronger than negativity and hate. Let’s show that the power of the heart will change the world. And are you ready to fully embrace the shadow side? I feel that people like Trump are getting stronger just because the people who live from a place of love deny their shadow sides. And isn’t it the best test ever if you can show as much love and compassion to the haters, to the “dark ones”, as you would to like-minded people? People you love. Maybe it is even so, that these “dark ones” even need your love and compassion more. Let’s show that the power of the heart will change the world.

Don’t get me wrong. I dislike the man, always have. But it’s not about him really. Something bigger is going on. And yes, you can just sit still and trust that “this is just as it is supposed to be”. Or you can take action. And not by taking up arms or  and blocking each other on Facebook. But by showing love and compassion towards each other. Show real interest, find out why someone has certain ideas. Start building a community based on understanding, respect and love. Share what you have abundance of. If that is material of not, share.

Don’t go along in this negative, fear based, panicky energy. Let’s keep sending love. And I know, even though he is a “bad thing” for the things I stand for, I have just put him in a blanket of love and approached this from a whole different perspective.

I wish all of you, either in the US or elsewhere, the strength and wisdom to deal with this, but don’t feel defeated….

Love and light,


Ps. there is something with these numbers….. 9-11, 11-9?? Big changes and shifts…. We notate November 9th as 9-11 in our country…. Weird right? I know 9 is about endings and new beginnings, and it’s also a 9 year this year…. Mmmm…..

Ps 2: this too shall pass 😉 Remember Rome, Napoleon, The German Reich… in the end it will crumble and fall….



Dartmoor and the Quantocks 22nd of November till 6th of December 2015, a soul-journey.

Finally here I was, a place I have wanted to go to for so long. Dartmoor. And it was magical. This is my story of two weeks of living the country-life.

We arrived in the early evening and it was already dark. Very dark. The moors, a clear and cold night, nothing but the lights of a few cottages here and there and the stars and moon. Magical. Very so not what we were used to in the place we live. Where they stole the night. Driving was a challenge, a strange place, so dark, narrow roads, we just didn’t know what to expect. But we got to our cottage in the end, situated near the lovely village of Widecombe-in-the-Moor. A very cosy place. And we settled in real quick. Feeling at home in an instant.

The next day was a very clear and sunny day and after a tip from our host we went for our first walk. The scenes were stunning. The colours amazing and so vivid. The countryside was rough and nature at the end of November just added to this. Pure raw beauty. I fell in love, right there and then. I knew my heart would be lost forever. Clean air, real silence, real darkness. How could I ever go back to my everyday life? I immediately knew why so many stories were written on and about these lands, why so many fall in love.

The amazing browns of dead ferns and leafs contrasting with the greens of the grass and the greys of the rocks everywhere. The Tors proudly standing against the amazing skies. Today blue with some clouds, but ever-changing. Suddenly disappearing in the rain clouds, or taken by the fog. The winds that made an amazing roaring sound in these hills. Lovely little streams running everywhere, with the ability to become wild rivers….. Around the corner of each rock you could run in to cheeky cows, fierce ponies, curious sheep. All kinds of birds accompanied us on the moors, from very small tits and finches to larger birds of prey. The first day we enjoyed the guidance of a pair of ravens, hanging about at the Tors near Widecombe where we stayed. And I was very much guided by robins. The amazing site of red kites in the skies, or buzzards, hawks and falcons. Playing on the winds, not to be seen on the rainy days. In the evenings the owls were present and even the wild ponies visited our cottage, looking for something to eat.

The trees that grew here had such amazing shapes, I could see dragons, and places for faeries and gnomes to hide. The ancient Oak woodlands were really a fairy tale setting, the ancient gnarly oaks overgrown by mosses, ferns and standing between rocks of all shapes and sizes. The walking guides can’t prepare you for the terrain. Paths are not always so obvious and sometimes even demolished by the forces of nature that reign here. A smooth walk back is not comparable to a smooth walk where we live. No asphalt here, or nicely shaped footpaths with clear signs and colours to follow. Here you are thrown back to rely on your sense of direction and instincts. And in this time of year it gets dark early, and with dark I mean really dark. You don’t want to get stuck on the moors then…… Who knows, maybe the demon hounds will track you down…..

And then the lovely little villages, amazing cottages and longhouses, friendly people. And so very dog friendly. Especially Scotty was very gorgeous. And they were welcome everywhere. Never mind their muddy paws, or our muddy shoes for that matter. Always room near the fireplace or wood burner for a pair of walkers with their dogs. Lovely meals, yummy cream teas, lovely talks. And an ale every now and then 🙂 Even the nicest hotels had signs outside that dogs were very welcome. Water bowls and biscuits at the ready, and even sometimes towels to wipe their paws!

My solo walk and climb with Cheyenne to one of the Tors on our last day of the week was a life-changing experience. It was very windy and rain was pouring down as we climbed the Tor. But it was so worth it, the views, the feeling of being completely alive. I cried. Not of sadness, but for this feeling. Alive. Experiencing all the elements. The ravens had called me to this place and reminded me again the morning before the walk. This was what it was all about. Nothing I did in life up till now compared to this feeling. Feeling one with the earth, wind, water, the land. Being here with Cheyenne, who is so special to me. Who guided me on the best path to take, as she seemed to know exactly where to walk safely. There we stood together up on the Tor, wet and wind beaten, but we didn’t care. This was it. This is what I had visions about. This is where we belonged. Right here, right now.

But I had to return. To the village at first, meet up with husband and dog Scotty. I could see in his eyes when I told him about my experience he could not imagine feeling like that. But the first part of my journey was done. This was something I would never ever forget. A piece of my heart and soul would remain up there on that Tor, waiting for me to come collect them sometime in the future, this life or the next.

It was time to leave this amazing place. Feeling I had only seen and felt so little, that a lifetime would not be enough to fully experience this area. But already enough to feel inspired and alive again.

The next part of our journey was to West-Somerset, the small parish of Holford on the Edge of the Quantock Hills. On our journey I already saw this countryside was very different from the rough honesty of Dartmoor. These were the rolling hills, softer, flowing. Land of poets and romanticists. With beautiful woodlands all around. We had rented a small cottage in the middle of the parish. What a lovely place. And surroundings. A little church across the road, people even friendlier then on Dartmoor. With a greeting every part of the day, of course followed by a comment on the weather 🙂

Our first walk was to the nearby woodlands, so different from Dartmoor, but non the less amazing. In contrast we went to visit a piece of Jurassic coastline in the neighbouring parish of Kilve. Looking for fossils we lost track of time and almost didn’t make it back to our cottage before darkness took the day if it weren’t for the amazing help of an employee of the Hood Arms where we had lunch earlier. He just hopped in his car and gave us a lift. Wow…. just like that, no strings attached. Asking for help here is quite something else from asking for help where we live.

The walks here were somewhat friendlier, more flat, the paths were clearer and signs pointing where we should go where more present than on Dartmoor. We also visited Porlock, in Exmoor, and walked through Marshes there to Porlock Weir, a little harbour town on the Bristol Channel. Exmoor is asking for more 🙂 That will be on our list for next time. But the variety in landscapes was really amazing and inspiring.


I did a solo walk the last day of our stay through the woodlands and even climbed a hill. This time I did it all alone, without husband or dogs. It felt amazing and when I reached the top the scenery was amazing. It did not have the same depth as Dartmoor for me, but I could feel the poets and romanticists emerging, the woodlands were very fairy tale like, and I was really expecting Goblins around every big gnarly oak. The trees here were very weird shaped and your imagination could go all the way here.

And here again, many sheep, curious little things, so much more open to “contact” then our sheep. And we even encountered Red deer on our first long walk. Amazing. How this place must be, feel, look, smell like in the middle of autumn. The colours of the trees, the bellowing of the stags. It must really be an even more magical place then. So we know when to come back 🙂 Here also all kinds of birds were guiding us, with the coast nearby more gulls, and in the marshes we could see herons and all kinds of coastal birds. And what I thought were large groups of crows appeared to be rooks. They mixed up with jackdaws all the time. Somerset was also horse country. Everyone seemed to own one or more horses! I had some amazing contacts with them, and also with a few donkeys 🙂

We also visited some so-called spiritual places, like Glastonbury and Avebury, but as it was with Stonehenge, it didn’t do anything for me. Not at all like the experiences I described before. Maybe all the energy has been drained from those places already with all those visitors… Who knows. I know a lot of people who feel all kinds of things visiting those places, but I had those feelings upon the Tors and hills. I did have a place where I had a real déjà feeling, but that was somewhere on the way to Glastonbury. Not even a particular spot, more the area we were driving through. Maybe I lived there once…. I did not get visions of myself being a druid or a high-priestess or witch or anything like that. More ancient, more common, working class. I could see myself in Victorian clothing walking in the woodlands at the Quantocks. I could see myself as a sheep herder. As a farmer. As a medicine woman in ancient times.

West Somerset and the Quantocks were definitely a place to come back to sometime, but….. I had lost my heart to Dartmoor. If it weren’t for some circumstances I would seriously consider moving there. But I am not alone, I am married, have my friends and family here, especially my mother. Still, if I didn’t have to think about them…… The dogs sure wouldn’t mind either 🙂







And maybe I have romanticized things myself now, and is living there a hard thing to do. The modern conveniences are not so obvious in places like that. But to me that is also part of the attraction. Where there is no or bad reception, and you are more or less forced to live in a more conscious way and therefore environmental friendlier. Here people are scarce with using electricity and water, divide waste, clean up dog poop, are more self-sufficient, with having their own livestock and veggie plots. I don’t know if I could live here, I feel I could, but I just don’t know. The solitude, the silence, the darkness, the clean air, opportunities to step into nature from your home….. So much pro’s for me personally.

Maybe it is my challenge to find these things also in my everyday life (although clean air, true darkness and silence is an issue where we live now). I did have some lovely insights and inspiration on how to move on in my business and relationships for instance. Realizations about how I handle things. That I should start to love myself and accept every aspect without criticizing myself. Exercise more, because I have been walking and climbing so much and it felt so good! And I didn’t mind the harsh weather at all! Only on the last day my legs were like, okay, enough now, but it surprised me how I held up physically. Food would be a challenge, especially eating out, but that is no different from here. But with so many local produce like veggies, eggs, cheese, I could really live the country life 🙂

I need this solitude and nature, they are part of my being. I am not the type that will start screaming on the top of a mountain to let emotions go, I will not start dancing wildly to exciting music. I thrive better on my own, or in small groups than in large crowds. I am a calm a gentle person. And I love, deeply love animals and nature, that is where my heart lies. I have been trying time and time again to do the screaming and dancing, because others said it would do me good. I realize now that is their way, not mine. I should do things the way I like them and feel comfortable with. Go with the flow of nature, of natural time. Not worry about agenda’s, marketing, planning, just trust on the process. Not push things the way I would like them to go. Be more flexible, and be myself completely. Be honest and open about my feelings. That is my way, telling stories, my stories, my personal experiences and my way of adventures. I do face my fears, I grow with doing that. I do go beyond boundaries every now and then, but not for the thrill of the adventure. For the sake of growing. So I will have even more life stories to share.

Amazing what these two weeks did for me. Giving my senses space, other ways of input then in everyday life, has really opened up my eyes. It felt like this dark blanket was lifted and I felt so clear and radiant. Now I am back I feel the blanket closing in again, it is just the way of life here that does that. Literally with the pollution in every kind of way. And not to underestimate the density of population here. All the energies to deal with, not always positively. And I will definitely miss the dog-friendliness. But above all I will miss the land. I did cry upon our journey back, I always feel like I leave a part of myself behind when visiting this country.

I would say to everyone who feels attracted to places like this: do it, go visit, let the country bewitch and bewilder you, get inspired. I can’t guarantee not loosing your heart and soul though 🙂

Diana, december 2015







Soms, of eigenlijk best wel vaak, kom ik in situaties terecht waarin ik me niet comfortabel voel, of niet thuis voel. Ik wijt dit meestal aan de energie, aan draadloze stoorfrequenties of wat dan ook.

Afgelopen weekend heb ik me in meerdere van dergelijke situaties zo gevoeld. Niet dat het weekend niet gezellig, leuk, inspirerend of wat dan ook was, maar gewoon omdat ik me soms niet thuis voelde.

Toen ik thuis was voelde ik me zelfs een beetje down. Hoe kwam dat nou toch weer, het was toch een leuk weekend? Waren het angsten? Trauma’s? Energieën van anderen die ik toch weer opgepikt had? Ik had nergens zin in, in had het gevoel dat ik maar een beetje nutteloos dingen aan het doen was. Het gevoel om met alles te stoppen waar ik nu mee bezig ben. Dan maar weer slaafs op kantoor om geld binnen te halen. Gek werd ik van mezelf. Het gevoel nooit aan zaken te kunnen voldoen, als bijvoorbeeld ondernemer. Ik ben met de honden een stuk gaan lopen en vroeg om een teken.

Ik was deze dag heel wat van plan, maar in deze flow had dat toch geen zin. Ik besloot een lekker warm bad te nemen en alles van me af te laten glijden, mijn aura te reinigen van alles wat erin en aan was gaan zitten. Ik als hooggevoelig miepje doe dat toch, hoe veel ik me ook bescherm. Een onbewaakt ogenblik en plak! Dat moet toch anders kunnen?

Nu ben ik in September begonnen aan de cursus Vrouwenwijsheid om meer in mijn Kracht te komen staan. Nodig voor mijn praktijk, mijn therapeut zijn, mijn afstuderen, mijn zijn. Ik wordt nog teveel van mijn stuk gebracht door wat er allemaal moet volgens anderen. Dus ik wilde mijn eigen authentieke Kracht leren kennen en daar ook in gaan staan.
De cursus is gebaseerd op de 13 Clanmothers zoals beschreven door en doorgegeven aan Jamie Sams. Ik besloot op dat moment in dat boek te beginnen. De bedoeling is dat we eerst de energie van de Clanmoeders voelen en daarna pas de hoofdstukken lezen. Dus ik mocht tot en met de 1e Clanmoeder gaan lezen.

Al bij het voorwoord en de inleidende hoofdstukken begon de energie weer te stromen en had ik constant van die ohja en natuurlijk momentjes. Het kwartje begon te vallen. Mijn Kracht, mijn eigen authentieke Kracht, de Kracht waarmee ik mezelf en de wereld kan helpen is die van de Vrouw! Ik snapte ineens mijn weerstand bij vele zaken. Prestatie, competitie, oordelen, wetenschap, logica, gelijk willen hebben, ambitie, het iets moeten betekenen of bereiken. Eigenlijk is het allemaal pure mannenenergie. We leven in een mannenmaatschappij. Alles is gebaseerd op mannenenergie. Dat is niet goed of slecht, het is een constatering, en ook dat de balans hierin volledig zoek is.

Ik ging verder met lezen en ik kreeg allerlei beelden en visioenen, het begon echt te leven. Ik zag ineens een duidelijk en helder pad voor me. De dingen die ik probeer na te jagen, meestal op advies van anderen, zijn niet de dingen die bij mijn eigen authentieke Kracht passen. Mijn innerlijke Bron. Want dat is Vrouw zijn.

Ik heb, en ik denk de meeste vrouwen met mij, altijd ervaren dat vrouwen van het “zwakke” geslacht zijn. Dat de typische eigenschappen van vrouwen er niet toe doen, ondergeschikt zijn aan het mannelijke. Dit is al eeuwen gaande. Op gegeven moment is de vrouw wel in opstand gekomen, maar omdat het mannelijk zo ontzettend overheerst op dit moment is deze opstand in feite ook mannelijke energie. Het heet niet voor niets eMANcipatie. Waardoor we tegenwoordig ernaar streven op gelijke hoogte te komen met een man. Wat een onzin eigenlijk. Ik ga het niet meer proberen. Ik ga weer terug naar mijn Bron, naar mijn eigen authentieke Kracht, want dat is het enige waaruit ik echt authentiek zal kunnen leven en zijn. Wat is dan die vrouwenenergie? Het is zacht en rond, gevoelens (geen emoties, dat is wat anders), zorgzaamheid, helende krachten, intuïtieve gaven, de behoefte om samen te werken en te delen, leven vanuit je hart. Toen ik dit lijstje voor mezelf opsomde wist ik meteen dat dat is waar ik vanuit wil gaan leven. De mannelijke energie heb ik nu genoeg ervaren. Ik mag nu het vrouwelijke in mezelf gaan manifesteren, en daar ook voor staan. Want het is nodig. Zeker nu. Als je ziet waar de overheersende mannelijke energie van de afgelopen eeuwen ons gebracht heeft? We staan er niet best voor als mensheid.

Het is weer tijd om balans te vinden. Ik ga niet meer proberen om man te zijn. Ik kan de mannenenergie die ik in me heb gebruiken om bepaalde zaken te regelen, maar ik ga dat niet meer laten overheersen. Ik hoef niet zo nodig. Ik moet helemaal niets. Ik mag alles.

Ik begon het spirituele pad te bekijken wat ik heb bewandeld tot nu toe. Yoga, Reiki, Sjamanisme. Ook hierin overheerst eigenlijk de mannelijke energie. Ook het werken volgens regeltjes is eigenlijk mannelijke energie. Ik heb altijd de behoefte gehad dingen op mijn eigen manier te doen, op gevoel, vanuit een innerlijk weten of intuïtie. En dat is vrouwelijk. Ik heb Reiki II maar ik kan die symbolen maar niet onthouden. Het lukt gewoon niet. Als ik tegenwoordig healingen geef doe ik dat op gevoel, op intuïtie, en dat werkt, heel goed zelfs.

Ik wilde heel graag ooit nog een Vision Quest of iets dergelijks doen, maar iets hield mij tegen. Ik begrijp nu waarom. Een Vision Quest is om de mannelijke krijger te helpen ontwaken. En dus niet voor mij.

Ik krijg de afgelopen dagen steeds meer tekens op mijn pad, dit is mijn weg, de weg van de Vrouw. Ik mag krachtig worden in het Vrouwzijn, want die energie is ongelooflijk krachtig. Het is de scheppende, de creërende energie, die van acceptatie en loslaten, die van openstaan voor anderen, voor meningen, voor andere wegen. Die van vrede en onvoorwaardelijke liefde. Moeder Aarde is de grootste vrouw van allemaal, en ze wordt door ons helemaal uitgebuit, eigenlijk mishandeld en verkracht. En dat mag stoppen.

Het is niet de bedoeling dat de vrouwenenergie gaat overheersen, maar er mag een balans komen, mannelijke energie is ook nodig, anders heeft de vrouw geen basis om iets te scheppen of creëren. In die zin mag er zeker gelijkwaardigheid komen. Maar niet door als vrouw te proberen te voldoen aan de mannelijke energie. Daar worden wij als vrouwen, en ik zeker, alleen maar ongelukkig en onzeker van, waardoor we ons uiterlijk gaan aanpassen om aan onzinnige ideaalbeelden te voldoen.

Ik mag volgend jaar in het voorjaar een korte Pelgrimsquest maken. Ik heb gezien wat ik mag gaan doen en ik ga de komende tijd kijken hoe ik dat ga doen. Ook hierin mag ik mijn eigen weg maken, mijn eigen pad kiezen. Eigenlijk zoals ik altijd heb gedaan. Ik vind het enorm spannend, want het is iets wat ik alleen ga doen, maar het is wel mijn weg. Niet een Vision Quest, niet een Healing Quest, niet een Pelgrimsroute maar mijn eigen DianaPelgrimsquest.

Ik voel me bruisen van energie, ik wil dit pad absoluut op. Ik geloof in niets meer en tegelijk in alles. Maar bovenal geloof ik in mijn eigen pad bewandelen.


Nadat ik bovenstaande had geschreven ging ik boodschappen doen. Ik besloot voor het eerst sinds tijden weer eens een Happinez te kopen. En jahoor, hierin stond een verhaal van Inez van Oord, de voormalig hoofdredactrice van het blad, en zij heeft een dergelijke ervaring ook gehad. Toeval bestaat niet meer. Op het moment dat je je authentieke pad opstapt gaat de synchroniciteit zijn werk doen.

Are we meant to keep pets?

Today I read a blog by someone else, that really was a rant about human mutant naked monkeys f*cking up nature as we speak. By branding certain animal species as vermin, because they are native to the land but eating imported animals that we mass produce as things only to (over)feed us.

This made me so mad, he was right. We humans are so bloody arrogant to give these beautiful creatures of nature a death-sentence for trying to survive in harsh times, because we are destroying their natural habitats for our own needs, so they can’t find food anymore. Because we are destroying the natural balance of things. Because we ourselves are not in balance with our own nature. And this is where it all falls to pieces. This is what is so wrong with the human race. The day they separated mind, soul and body as being something not as one.

Today I had some trees in my garden trimmed, because the neighbours with their concrete garden complained about not having enough light in their garden. And now I am staring at them, feeling their pain because their beautiful natural form is totally destroyed, and I feel so guilty! But as I live in the human world and I don’t want to get into a fight with my sour neighbours I, just for the sake of peace, went on and got them trimmed. And I feel weak. I feel weak because I didn’t stand up. Because the forestry feeling in my garden is gone. Because two birds nests were destroyed in the cutting process. And I see those birds searching for what they had made. Luckily the gardeners said there weren’t any eggs in it yet, but still, those birds have to start over building a nest. And probably not in these trimmed trees….. As I see all the birds in my garden, finding the food and shelter they need, because we destroyed their habitats I feel confused. I think about what we are doing. And this gets me to keeping pets. I wonder why we keep them. The word keeping or owning them is wrong on itself. The overall idea is that we want to keep pets because they give us a good feeling. But what is that good feeling? Why do they give us that? Aren’t they surrogates for something we have lost along the way of our own evolution? The ability for unconditional love? Towards each other? Pets love us no matter what they say. Of course that is to their own benefits because we feed them, and give them shelter. If they would stand up to their imprisonment they would be “humanely euthanized”. And of course there are people who keep animals because they want to dominate something. They want that animal to do what they say. Humans try to control everything, and I don’t think that is meant to be. There is no freedom for the animals we keep, and we are hypocrites. We overall take good care of our pets, or at least we think we do, with the best intentions, but we don’t care about the animals that live in the dairy, meat or farm industry. We totally have lost our connection to nature and what it is like to be truly free, because we are all prisoners of our own thoughts and feelings. When I look at the animal or plant kingdom and see that they totally accept life as it comes, with all the hard work to survive. And how we try to manipulate everything to our comfort. It kind of sickens me. Right now I think I will never have pets again after the ones I have now have passed on. Because if I gave them the choice, would they stay with me freely? I think not. I think they would want to roam free on this earth, be with their own kind, playing with their brothers and sisters, hunting, foraging, sleeping in the sun, running in the open fields. And would they come in contact with humans? They did once, we called it domestication. But that was of mutual benefits. We could help each other. But in the beginning that was not a forced process. When I see what we do to the animals nowadays, how dogs and cats and even other animals are bred for how they look, but not for their health. How farm animals are nothing more than numbers, then products that need to grow faster and faster. To fulfil the unbelievable greed of mankind. It saddens me. It makes me think that there is only one way to end this all. It is by eradicating mankind or….. with the waking up of mankind, to see what they are doing to the planet and their fellow earthlings. To really take responsibility. To start living in balance with each other and the planet again. To take life as it comes and not to try and manipulate it. I think we can live together with animals in freedom, and not force them to live lives in captivity. I think we can learn a lot more from animals that live in freedom than the animals we try to control. We have to find ways to keep “our” pets happy, because they cannot do what they were born for. We deprive them of everything that makes them animal. We take away their right to hunt, to forage, to move freely, to breed, to be with their own kind on their own conditions. But as long as humans cannot even treat each other as equal we probably won’t get that far. We should all find back the balance of life, feel comfortable with ourselves and our own species, accept life as it comes, and not try to fight those things that are natural.

I am trying to do that, but even that is not possible. I am not allowed to live where I want. Because the land is owned by other people, because man have created countries and borders. Because we are not one with nature. I have to pay for things I don’t want. I have to live by rules I don’t need. I have to get permissions for everything I want to do. I have to get degrees to perform a job, to use my naturally given talents to earn a living. It is unbelievable how everything is being controlled. It is time to let go…..

And as always…. These are MY thoughts, you don’t have to agree…. Freedom is also thinking for yourself……

Love and light

Bad days……

I am having a bad day today. Doubting everything I do, doubting the purpose of my very existence. It has been in the upwards spiral for so long I almost forgot what days like this feel like. But I guess I can’t enjoy the good days without the bad days. Right?

It is not easy hearing people ridicule everything I stand for. When people I think should be thinking the way I do, at least partially. Because we have the same goals. I assume. But the things I stand for seem to make me a quack. So I am considered a quack amongst people who are considered by others as quacks…. That is harsh. And to hear that the little paper you are studying so hard for these last years means nothing in the “real” world. So I am on the verge of quitting. Everything I do. Still I hope this is just a little setback. Some sort of challenges thrown to me from the Universe. To keep on fighting for what I believe in. Or it is the Universal way of sending me messages that I should quit this education. That it is no longer the thing that will help me further. I just don’t know anymore. I do know I am tired of fighting. Maybe I should just give in to the average and everyday world.

I think it is time for some serious retreat, really trying to figure out where it is I am going. If I should hang on to the path I am on or take another road. To ask my spirit guides what is the right track for me. But maybe spirit guides are also a lot of nonsense, maybe they are just a figment of my imagination to cope with life as it comes. I just don’t know anymore…….


Mijn visie over ziek zijn, en de gevoelens van anderen kwetsen (In dutch because I want to publish this on my practice blog too, sorry for the foreign readers)

De laatste tijd heb ik gemerkt dat ik met mijn uitspraken en blogjes nogal wat verwarring en pijn veroorzaak. Ik wil me niet verdedigen maar ik wil wel mijn denkwijze uitleggen en waarom ik op dit moment zo in het leven sta als ik doe. Net zo goed als ik anderen probeer te begrijpen en reacties probeer te plaatsen hoop ik dat dit een beetje verklaart waarom ik doe wat ik doe. En zeg wat ik zeg. Je kunt je nooit helemaal in een ander verplaatsen omdat iedereen op iedere situatie anders reageert.

Laat ik voorop stellen dat ik nooit dingen zeg of doe om anderen bewust te kwetsen. Ik probeer altijd bruggen te slaan, dingen uit te leggen, mensen wakker te schudden, bewustwording te kweken. Omdat ik me zorgen maak, omdat ik wil helpen, niet voor mijn eigen ego, niet om gelijk te krijgen. Zo zit ik niet in elkaar. Maar zoals met iedereen die een “afwijkende” manier van leven en denken heeft, diegenen die tegen heilige huisjes trappen en bestaande wereldbeelden proberen te veranderen, loop ik ook tegen verzet en onbegrip aan. Dat is soms niet leuk, maar elk dier of mens die ik hiermee kan helpen is het het waard. En ik zeg niet dat ik de waarheid in pacht heb, wat ik vertel, doe en zeg is mijn eigen waarheid. En soms pas ik die aan waar nodig, maar globaal blijft mijn denkwereld hetzelfde. Alles is constant in verandering. Stilstand is in mijn ogen achteruitgang. Morgen zijn sommige dingen die wij nu als normaal beschouwen alweer veranderd.

Dan het ziek zijn. Ik heb de afgelopen tijd meermalen gezegd dat ik denk dat ziek zijn altijd bij je zelf ligt, dat je in principe door je leefstijl, mentaal en/of fysiek, zelf het ziek zijn veroorzaakt. Nou is het zo dat ik ziek zijn niet als ziek zijn zie, als iets van buitenaf dat “je overkomt” maar als symptoom van een interne disbalans. Dus een disbalans in mentaal en/of fysiek. Voor mij als natuurgeneeskundige (ik werk alleen wel met dieren in plaats van mensen, en geloof me, dat is vaak veel eenvoudiger) is het zaak om die balans te proberen herstellen. Er zijn allerlei factoren waardoor je in disbalans kunt komen. Soms zijn dit zelfs zaken uit vorige generaties en/of vorige levens, waarvoor je in dit leven een kans krijgt om dit in balans te brengen. Bij vorige generaties kun je dit mooi doen door een helende reis te maken naar je voorouders via het sjamanisme of binnen de homeopathie met miasma’s te werken. Bepaalde ziektes/disbalansen van je voorouders kunnen namelijk generaties lang doorwerken. We noemen dat dan in de wetenschap erfelijk belast en zit in je DNA/genen. Nou is het ook bekend dat je door je manier van leven dit DNA kunt veranderen. Dit is bekend bij mensen die bijvoorbeeld veel mediteren. Als je ziet hoe je dus op celniveau zelf invloed hebt op dit soort zaken kun je misschien begrijpen waarom ik stel dat ziek zijn door jezelf veroorzaakt wordt. Alles is trilling. Je kunt dus zelf wel degelijk bepaalde patronen doorbreken die al generaties lang bestaan. Er bestaat positieve en negatieve trilling. Kijk maar naar geluid/muziek. Dit is prachtig en helend, maar als je het te hard speelt krijg je gehoorbeschadiging en innerlijke stress. Stress is iets wat wij met zijn allen in deze huidige maatschappij chronisch last van hebben door alle zaken die we onszelf opleggen. Door allerlei dingen waar we van onszelf aan moeten voldoen. Aan bepaalde standaarden. Niemand is wat dat betreft echt vrij, ook ik niet. En de schuld geven van iets aan de maatschappij, of de wereld, of de kosmos, of het universum, dat bestaat in mijn ogen niet. Ik zie alles als een, we hebben allemaal dezelfde trillingen en veroorzaken dus ook nog eens als groep een disbalans. Dus niet alleen individueel. Hierbij doel ik op bijvoorbeeld het moeten voldoen aan een ideaalbeeld qua uiterlijk. Iedereen die van de norm (die verschillend is per generatie) afwijkt voelt zich lelijk, ongewenst of wat dan ook en zal koste wat kost gaan proberen aan die norm te voldoen. Of ziek worden. Hetzelfde geldt voor de ouderen in onze maatschappij, die tellen niet meer mee, worden afgeschreven, weggestopt, kosten tijd en geld. Door zo met je medemens en dus ook met bijvoorbeeld je eigen toekomst (want we willen uiteindelijk natuurlijk wel zelf oud worden) om te gaan veroorzaak je disbalans. In vroegere culturen werden ouderen juist als wijs gezien en waren we dankbaar voor alles wat ze voor ons betekend hadden. Natuurlijk hadden ze kwaaltjes die horen bij een afbrekend lichaam maar dit was een stuk minder en milder dan nu. Daar komt nog bij dat wij met zijn allen de connectie met het natuurlijk ritme zijn kwijtgeraakt, en dat we met zijn allen stil zijn gaan zitten. Het menselijk lichaam is niet gemaakt om te zitten. Dan hadden we wel een andere bouw gehad. We zijn gemaakt om te bewegen, fysieke arbeid te verrichten. We zijn met zijn allen teveel in ons hoofd gaan leven. Ik heb het in dit stuk maar niet eens over onze voedingspatronen, of medicijngebruik. Dan ben ik nog wel een blaadje of 8 bezig. Er is zelfs een punt in de geschiedenis geweest waar we lichaam en ziel als iets aparts zijn gaan zien omdat 1 man niet wetenschappelijk kon verklaren hoe de invloed van de ziel op het lichaam in zijn werk ging. 1 man…. Stel je voor. Maar ook dat patroon, die conditionering kunnen we doorbreken. Door er een andere lading aan te geven. En let eens op wat je zelf doet. Hoe vaak zeg je tegen jezelf dat je dingen moet doen, in plaats van gaan of willen doen. Met moeten leg je een lading op iets die ook niet positief werkt. Je legt jezelf iets van buitenaf op. Ik moet werken of ik wil werken. Ik moet leven of ik wil leven…… Zeg dat een paar keer en voel het verschil. De lading is heel anders.

En als je wilt weten wat chronische stress met je doet kun je eens een kijkje gaan nemen bij dieren in de bio-industrie. Van deze dieren is bekend dat stress een mindere kwaliteit vlees oplevert. Veel vlees, en eerder slachten maar niet meer van dezelfde kwaliteit als vroeger. Dus kun je wel nagaan wat er ook in ons lichaam gebeurt. En misschien zien velen van ons zichzelf niet als dieren, fysiologisch gezien zijn we dat toch echt, en reageren wij hetzelfde. Je bent constant in een soort vlucht of vecht modus, met alle gevolgen van dien voor je lichaam. Hoe intelligenter het dier hoe meer last van stress, en aangezien wij onszelf als het intelligentste dier zien, kun je nagaan wat chronische stress met ons doet. En stress kan vele vormen hebben, vergis je daar niet in. Het is niet alleen werk- of studiedruk, waar we het vaak mee relateren, maar kan door vele oorzaken komen.

In mijn ogen ben je altijd verantwoordelijk voor je eigen leven. De keuzes die je maakt zijn de jouwe. Ik hoor dan veel mensen roepen ja maar de maatschappij, ja maar je moet (daar is het moeten weer) toch leven. Door dit soort excuses ga je dus nooit met jezelf aan de slag, blijf je de verantwoordelijkheid buiten jezelf leggen. Natuurlijk mag er brood op de plank komen, anders wordt het wel lastig om te overleven. Maar in hoeverre leef je nog naar wat je echt nodig hebt? In hoeverre ben je vrij? En als je voor je gevoel geen keuze hebt, dan is het altijd nog een keuze hoe je omgaat met je huidige situatie. Ga je in de slachtofferrol? In de negatieve spiraal van schuld geven en vingertje wijzen? Of ga je, net zoals ik heb gedaan, op een reis naar binnen. Ga je kijken hoe je je leven ten goede kunt veranderen? Ga je accepteren wie je werkelijk bent en ga je leren omgaan met de dingen die op je pad komen op een positieve manier? Ga je beseffen dat je goed en mooi bent zoals je bent, zoals je ter wereld gekomen bent? Besef je dat je als je je verveelt en om een uitdaging vraagt wat je je op de hals haalt? Want in mijn ogen is de ultieme uitdaging hoe je omgaat met verdriet, ziekte en verlies. Niet uit een vliegtuig springen met een parachute. Dat zijn niet de uitdagingen waar het in dit leven om gaat. Besef dat als je je ergert aan dit verhaal dat er diep van binnen iets is dat weet dat er een kern van waarheid in zit. En dan nog is het altijd jouw keuze om er iets aan te doen. Niets doen is ook een keuze, maar dan mag je ook accepteren wat dat voor gevolgen heeft. Kijk eens hoe je je voelt na een dag waarop je echt gedaan hebt wat je wilde. Hoe voel je je op zo’n dag? Heb je dan last van pijntjes, vermoeidheid, ergernissen, boosheid? En hoe voel je je de dag erna als je weer je moet-modus ingaat? Dan kom je vaak in een dip terecht. De balans is weg.

Ik geloof ook niet dat de dood een einde is. Door bepaalde oorzaken zijn wij de dood als een eindig iets gaan zien en hebben er een hele zware negatieve lading aan gegeven. Ook aan ziek zijn en bepaalde ziektes hebben we overigens zo’n zware negatieve lading gegeven. Maar door verschillende dingen die ik gevoeld en ervaren heb ben ik er voor mezelf wel redelijk uit, noem het een geloof, noem het een weten, dat dood geen einde is. En iedereen noemt het anders. In iedere cultuur, in ieder geloof is er geen einde. Sommigen geloven dat als jij doodgaat je weer opgaat in een groter geheel, en dus daarmee alle lessen die je in dit leven geleerd hebt ook weer in dat grote geheel inbrengt, zodat de volgende incarnaties dit weer mee kunnen nemen. Prachtig toch? Sommige mensen denken dat er niets is maar dat je lichaam dus gewoon vergaat en dat je daarmee weer een bijdrage levert aan de cirkel van het leven. En ook dat is toch een prachtige gedachte. Ok, als je je lichaam laat cremeren heb je een probleem, maar dan nog blijft er iets over wat de kringloop weer ingaat. Het bewustzijn zoals je dat nu hebt is niet eindig, je stoffelijk lichaam wel. Bewustzijn zal er altijd zijn, en door de dingen die je nu doet blijf je er dus ook altijd.

Ik ben volgens de Maya-Tzolkin een gele ritmische krijger. Ik weet wat mijn taak in het leven is en mede door dit te schrijven loop ik er niet meer voor weg. Het leven maak je zelf zo licht of zwaar als je zelf wilt. Besef dat je als je de mensheid vervloekt om de klimaatverandering of om uitsterven van bepaalde dieren dat je jezelf vervloekt. Dat je met die negatieve woorden jezelf vergiftigt. Alles is met elkaar verbonden, alles is trilling.

Dit is mijn levensdoel, ik kan niet anders dan zijn zoals ik nu ben. Door het te accepteren en te gaan leven naar mijn eigenlijke potentie geef ik mezelf weer een stuk vrijheid.

Mijn geboorte Zonnezegel is KIN 176 CIB the Yellow Resonant Warrior met toon 7, ik ben geboren in een zgn. GAP, een Galactic Activation Portal. Dat houdt in dat op de dag van mijn geboorte de kanalen naar de kosmos meer openstonden en dat ik daardoor een sterke intuïtie heb, en ook een intuïtief weten. Het is de kosmische krijger dat zich uitdrukt in doortastendheid, waarmee hij de vragen stelt om het leven tot zelfs na de dood verder te zetten. De Gier is het kenmerk van Cib waarmee hij ook de beperkingen van de Aarde kent maar ook dat er na ieder einde een nieuw begin is. Ook de Uil is mede het kenmerk van Cib en daarmee help je anderen door je wijsheid en ervaring naar de overkant van de rivier. Je ontvangt informatie en je geeft het door. Cib is een krijger voor de Geest en je werkt vanuit een universeel bewustzijn, je bent expressief en je durft vragen te stellen. De toon 7 is een mystiek getal dat geest en lichaam verbindt, het trilt mee met het zichtbare en onzichtbare. Toon 7 is de middenste van de 13 tonen en heerst over de middenste mystieke kolom van de Tzolkin.

Dit is een beknopte beschrijving van mijn zonnezegel, maar het heeft voor mij veel duidelijk gemaakt.

Dit is zo’n beetje hoe ik in elkaar steek. Ik besef me wel degelijk dat als je zelf midden in een proces van ziek zijn, of sterven of wat dan ook zit dat je dit soort dingen gewoon niet wilt horen, dat het heel makkelijk is om het buiten jezelf te leggen. Want het is natuurlijk nooit leuk om erachter te komen dat je zelf de oorzaak bent van je lijden. Aan de andere kant is het dus wel heel makkelijk om te zeggen dat je verantwoordelijk bent voor je eigen geluk, en dat is nou precies waar alles om draait. Door het lijden en het geluk in elkaar op te laten lossen ben je ook verlost van de dualiteit, van de yin en yang en ben je straks gewoon.

We staan op een belangrijk punt met zijn allen. Kiezen we voor liefde (ook voor jezelf!), licht, samenwerking en acceptatie of blijven we vechten, tegenstribbelen en elkaar het leven zuur maken. Of gaan we zorgen dat dit alles in balans komt. We hebben met zijn allen een kans om het tij ten goede te keren. Opnieuw geboren worden gaat natuurlijk gepaard met de nodige pijn en weeën, en ook de nodige naweeën maar met een positieve instelling komen we allemaal wijzer en sterker uit de woelige baren.

En omdat er deze week een Venus transitie is geweest:

Van The Planets door Holst, Venus, the BRINGER OF PEACE!

Als altijd in liefde en licht



What does normal mean? According to the dictionary:


1. conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.

2. serving to establish a standard.

3. Psychology

  • approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment.
  •  free from any mental disorder; sane.

4. Biology, Medicine/Medical

  •  free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation, or from experimental therapy or manipulation.
  • of natural occurrence.

5. Mathematics

  • being at right angles, as a line; perpendicular.
  • of the nature of or pertaining to a mathematical normal.
  • (of an orthogonal system of real functions) defined so that the integral of the square of the absolute value of any function is 1.
  • (of a topological space) having the property that corresponding to every pair of disjoint closed sets are two disjoint open sets, each containing one of the closed sets.
  • (of a subgroup) having the property that the same set of elements results when all the elements of the subgroup are operated on consistently on the left and consistently on the right by any element of the group; invariant.

Now the word normal is very disturbing because then we tend to have expectations and we start judging everything that is not according to the standard.

Lately I have been thinking we should eradicate this word from our language, at least in some cases. These cases concern the experience of time, the experience of life, the experience of self and others…. Because what is the standard? In mathematics I can relate to standards, it comes in handy in measuring and building. But still, if you go by standards there are no openings for other ways of thinking, for other ways of seeing things. Just look at the wonderful buildings by Gaudi…… Not standard at all…. But probably very mathematic or else they would’t be buildings 🙂

For example: take the weather. What is normal? Why do we even look at weather forecasts? Why did we lose the ability to just go with what the day brought us. On the website of the dutch meteorological institute KNMI you can take a look at the weather on for instance your birthday over the past years. There is also a standard mentioned. Now I’ve looked back over the years on my birthday and not once it met the standards mentioned. Some years it was over 30 degrees Celsius, other years not even 16 degrees. So it is kind of pointless. I think astrology/astronomy is a way better instrument, and indigenous people and ancient cultures knew what kind of weather was coming by looking at alignments, and feeling the earth and the kosmos. There has always been a need to try to predict, it is probably something in our genes, but that can also be re-written 🙂

Another example: my almost 10-year-old niece told me this weekend that she thought she was ugly. What? She is a very pretty girl, with beautiful eyes and skin, and lovely hair. But in school people (ok 1 or 2) are saying she is ugly, so she thinks she is ugly. Why? Because she hasn’t got perfect teeth, her hairline is different from most. So she showed me girls she thought were pretty. And I thought what? Those botoxed, way to white teeth, fotoshopped fake girls? Are those the standard girls now are trying to live up to? Oh my, I feel so sorry for them…..

And yesterday in school: I am having trouble with seeing how horses and dogs walk and stand and how that is different from the standard. We saw 4 dogs walk and all dogs had deviations…. And most of the horses and animals too. Now I agree that if the leg or back is way off it will cause trouble. But a slight deviation may never cause any trouble at all. I understand that the way we want to (ab)use dogs and horses nowadays will cause a lot of trouble…… But for instance: I had a sore ankle, and then they went and looked at how I stood on my feet, and how I walked. It was not “normal”, there was a slight deviation…. So I got arch support and then I started having trouble with my pelvis and lower back. Maybe my body was used to my slight deviation and would never have caused any more trouble than a little sore ankle that maybe would have healed by itself. But by trying to correct it to the standard it only caused more trouble…. 

Living by standards and only accepting that what is normal is very narrow-minded. It leaves no room for creative thinking, of accepting that there are other ways. That a belief system is not the only right one. That colour of skin is not the standard. That animals all have a purpose. That plants are very needed. That trees are not dangerous. That we are just one of many. That our form may not be the standard. That there are other realms and dimensions.

So maybe it is time for us to let go of the standards and normalities, let’s just open up our minds and hearts and let just take things as they come, as they are, as they present themselves. If you know anything about quantum physics you will see that this is just what our mind creates, so if you are able to see past the standards, anything is possible. Time and space will no longer be a standard……

I understand we need some sort of standards in certain areas but don’t let the standards rule your life and your way of living….

I am not normal, and I am glad I am not….

Love and light and let the venus-transition energy flow within us all!


Busy, busy, busy

So, the last few weeks I have been busy with studying and doing very nice things away from the online world, you know in this thing called the “real world”. I am getting more and more sure of my healing abilities and my understanding the animals. Elvis is still here and we still have to do some things for/with him. The coming weeks will be pretty much the same as the last weeks. So very little time to read/post blogs, but I guess with spring and summer coming it is very organic to be more outgoing. Autumn and winter are more for staying inside and digesting all the experiences you had in the spring and summer. As it is in the medicine wheel. There are only two days left for the medicine wheel, one in May and one in June. It has been a fantastic journey so far. And the festival-season is starting, enjoying music, people, food, drinks!

I would like to leave you with some very nice blogs I have come across on my winterjourneys and love to read. There are a lot of blogs I follow, but these just are very special for me. It is the way of writing, very inspiring and the deeper messages in these blogs that I like. Two of those blogs are not about the amount of posts but the quality. Have a look and you will know what I mean. When people can express their feelings through words and photo’s in this way it’s very inspiring!

So here is the little list:

These two blogs are really dear to me, because of the deeper messages…… I hope you can find them too 🙂



My sisters blog who is trying to find her path after being diagnosed with MS


There are lots more blogs I follow, and most of them have the same theme, about life, about love, about personal growth, about art.

In the end we are all spiritual beings having a human experience………….

Love and light! Enjoy the outdoor seasons!



Doubt and fear

These are major issues in my life, they always have been and every now and then they pop up to the surface. Right now I am having a lot of doubts about myself. Do I have what it takes to become what I want to become after the studies. Do I even have what it takes to finish the studies? A few things have happened that really made me question everything. I cannot seem to find a balance between head and heart, sometimes the head takes over and I forget to listen to my heart, and my gut feeling. Sometimes the heart and instinct take over but never long enough to really trust on that. And then how to explain these instincts or insights rationally. I really don’t want to look at it as seperate things anymore, I want to integrate heart and head…..

People say I need to have a success with one of the animals I am practising with now, but so far that hasn’t happened. So I start doubting. Why do I miss so much? Why can’t I find what is really there? Am I working too much from the head?

I feel very insecure at the moment, about a lot of things. These periods happen to me. They come and go. So what I really would like right now is some sort of happy ending, even if it is a very small one. So that I get some sort of reassurance that I am doing the right thing, that I am on the right track.

Then there is this thing with presenting myself in front of a group. That still scares the shit out of me, my voice begins to squeak and I really lose myself. It is like I hide in a little part of my brain or something and I am not really there anymore. Especially when there is a form of judging involved. To eventually get through the patient exam it would be handy if I was present at the moment of truth… So I know what I am doing, I know what I am saying. But the fear of failure is always there. It is like a little monster sitting on my shoulder saying to me that I can’t do it, that I will never be able to do this, that I should just quit all of this.

I’ve been working on myself for quite some time now and things are getting better. But these two issues come back every time. Ofcourse the way you were brought up have something to do with it, the role models you had, the family karma. But I am so sick of every time falling back into my traps of doubting myself and the fear of failure. Without failure I will never learn anything. A little doubt about what you are doing is never bad, it helps you stay focussed. I know this rationally but I don’t feel it that way. And when the doubt and fear starts taking over: Houston, we have a problem. The eagle cannot land…..

I know I should try some of the things I would advice to other people and owners of pets. I know there are flower remedies I can take, I know there is a homeopathic way to help me with my fear of live-exams. I am a little stubborn because I want to be able to do it by myself. I have taken the flower remedies. And they help, for a little while. And then I fall back. I have to start believing in myself (again) or I will not finish what I started…..


About boxes….

Last week I have been thinking a lot about how conditioned we are in our way of living and thinking. How we really cannot think or live outside the box. I do believe that to be able to do that you really have to know what’s inside the box. First you have to go on an inner journey to really get to know yourself, your pure inner being, and what is yours and what is conditioned. Conditioned by upbringing, society and education. As long as you can’t see the difference in those two aspects of your inner box there is no way you will be able to start thinking outside of the box. To really be innovative in your way of thinking and living. By thinking outside of the box you will no longer think in terms of impossibilities.

Last Tuesday we had some lessons about communication at school. How we should behave or communicate to the outside world. How we should make our website, our house-style when we start a business. And I felt this resistance. I felt that what we were told was only the way of the big system. How you should think commercially. How to behave. Conditioned. I felt it did not fit in with the whole holistic thinking, about being a therapist in natural medicine. Where you have to stay open-minded, to try to find what’s really going on. Through all the stories that you hear from the owners you have to be able to find the core of the problem. To be able to do that you have to keep an open mind, to be willing to think outside of the box. We have to learn a lot at school, mainly theory, but this way of thinking is not something you can learn. It is something that has nothing to do with learning. It is something inside of you, call it intuition, and call it a form of clairvoyance. Who knows? Of course you also use your other senses but to really pick up what is going on you have to stay open, especially when working with animals.

What I also noticed during these lessons was the judgmental way we talked about the leaflets of other people. How we could not be able to see that this leaflet meant a lot to the person who made this. How maybe this was a huge deal for the one that designed this. How we started talking about that it had to be commercial. Thinking about this on the way home I decided to throw away all those lessons and guidelines and just follow my heart and instinct in setting up my own practice. In order to be innovative, to be able to think outside of the box you sometimes have to take a leap of faith and just be different, dare to stand out. Success to me is not about making a lot of money, or having a booming business. For me it is about creating awareness, helping the animals in another way then the regular way. If that means I will attract only a certain group of costumers then so be it. If that means I will be a little controversial in my way of working by being creative in setting my tariffs or maybe even trade goods or services for my work then this is how I want to work. Be the change you want to see in the world. A wise man once said that. In Dutch being stubborn is called “eigenwijs”. If you translate that literally it means eigen = own, wijs = wise. So it is my own wisdom that will get me where I want. It doesn’t matter how others will start their businesses after school, they will all find their way. But it does take courage to stand out, to do it in a different way, in a way that you feel deep down in your heart, in your inner box, is the right way for you.

Love and light